I've been wanting to write this for a
while.
I want to share my heart.
I'm writing it to encourage fellow
foster parents.
I'm writing it to hopefully encourage a
new way of thinking about foster parenting for others.
Before my husband and I were foster
parents, I said I never would be. I said things like, “I wouldn't
want to give the kids back.” “I wouldn't want to deal with the
'system'.” “I would be too intimidated by the troubled kids we
would come in contact with.” “It would be hard on my own
children.”
Now that we are foster parents,
honestly, all of these concerns still exist. The difference is, I no
longer view them as reasons not to do it.
For the past few years that we have
been foster parents, when we talk to others and they find out this is
something we do, we hear responses like this. We also hear, “You
are special people.” “I could never do that.” “You must have
a special heart to be able to do that and send the kids home.”
I understand all these thoughts and
statements. Again, before I became a foster parent I thought and said
things like this.
However, my hope is to help change this
way of thinking for some...as it has changed for me.
Foster parents are not super heroes.
When a new child comes to live with us.
I am scared. I have doubts.
Throughout the time that child is with
us, I struggle. I hope that I am handling situations the right way. I
am anxious about what the next step will be. I think about my own
children and hope that they do not feel neglected.
I am tired. Having another child is
tiring...in many ways.
I have really fun and wonderful days
when I'm so thankful to be part of this little life.
I have hard days.
And, when it comes time for this little
person to leave us (whatever the circumstances) I cry. It is not
easy. It effects me the same as it would anyone else. It is just as
hard (maybe harder at times) as you think it would be. The ability to
let these children go with ease is not a super power I possess.
At the beginning of this month we said
goodbye to a beautiful three and a half month old baby boy. He came
to live with us when he was two weeks old. We watched him grow. We
saw his first smile and heard his first coo. We got up with him
during the night. We were his mom and dad for most of the first three
months of his life. And yes, it was so very hard to let him go. I
still miss him very much. Honestly, I am starting to cry right now as
I type this.
BUT...
It's not about me.
It's not about my comfort.
My comfort is not more important than a
child in need.
It's about this little life that God
created. He needed a safe, loving, stable home...and we got to
provide that.
Yes, it's hard to say goodbye. Yes, it's
hard not to know what comes next for him. Yes it's hard to explain to
my children why he has to leave.
But through it all, God works.
He provides for these children. He
teaches and grows me. He teaches and grows my children. He proves
Himself over and over.
I am not awesome. I cannot do this all
on my own. I cannot handle it all. But He can.
I can trust Him. I can pray. I can cry
out to Him. (Yes, this is a process that I have to learn daily.)
And...He is in control. He loves these
children more than I ever could. I have to trust Him with what comes
next...for us all.
